My Feudal Lord, A Masterpiece by Tehmina Durani

My Feudal Lord

My Feudal Lord" is known as a masterpiece in the history of Pakistan, based on the real-life events of Tehmina Durrani. She beautifully dissected the book into different sections: "The Lion of Punjab," "The Law of the Jungle," and "Lioness," and an epilogue. She mentioned some main characters in this book: Anees Khan, Ghulam Mustafa Khar, Adila Durrani, and her other family members and friends. 

Who is Tehmina Durrani?

Tehmina Durrani was born in Pakistan in 1953 into one of Pakistan's most powerful and influential families.
She is an artist, author, and humanitarian and is currently the first lady of Pakistan(she was married to Shehbaz Shareef in 2003, the current Prime Minister of Pakistan). She grew up in an elite and luxurious environment. Tehmina Durrani's childhood was complex, traumatic, and miserable. She and her younger sister, Zarmeena, faced ignorance from their mother due to their darker skin compared to their other siblings. Though she posed as a charismatic personality, her mother never admired her.

Who is Mustafa Khar?

Ghulam Mustafa Khar, the central character of this book, was born on August 2, 1937, in Kot Addu, Punjab. He belonged to a wealthy feudal family of the Jat tribe, and he remained as the Governor and Chief Minister of Punjab and belonged to the Pakistan People's Party. Khar was the closest companion of Zulfiqar Ali Bhutto's administration at that time. Currently, he has joined Pakistan Tehreeke Pakistan (PTI).
Ghulam Mustafa Khar was married eight times, and Tehmina Durrani was his sixth, but Khar was the second husband of Tehmina, and they both had four children together: Nasseba, Nisha, Ali, and Hamza.

Who is Anees Khan?

Tehmina Durrani's first husband was Anees Khan, with whom she married at seventeen. He was a caring, old-fashioned, family-oriented, understandable, and down-to-earth man. Anees fell in love with her when she was only seventeen and studying at a boarding school in Murree. Anees sent a proposal to her family, but they rejected it because Anees was below their status and he was earning a small income. Durrani's family wanted to marry her into a family of their level, but she forced her family to agree to this proposal. When her family found out that nobody would like to marry her within the family because of her dark skin, they accepted Anees's proposal. Tehmina belonged to the Pathan family, where having white skin is considered a sign of beauty, and in their family, they prefer white-skinned girls to marry. 
She got married to Anees in 1970. Later, she realized that it was not her love for Anees that forced her to marry him. But it was the way to escape her mother's dictatorship, traumatic life, the traditional rules and regulations, and the dysfunctional domain. Soon after her marriage, she lost her interest in Anees and demanded a divorce from him in 1976.

Family and Siblings

Tehmina Durrani is the daughter of Samina Durani (a descendant of Nawab Sir Liaqat Hayat Khan, the former ruler of the princely state of Patiala) and Shahkur Ullah Durrani (a former governor of the State Bank of Pakistan and managing director of Pakistan International Airlines).
She is the eldest of her siblings: Adila, Zarmina, Minoo, Asim Durrani, and Rubina, her step-sister. Adila Durrrani is the youngest sister of Tehmina Durrani.  In My Feudal Lord, Adila's most controversial role was having an illegal affair with her elder sister's (Tehmina Durani) husband (Ghulam Mustafa Khar). 

Why should you read "My Feudal Lord"?

"My Feudal Lord" is a courageous and painful autobiography of Tehmina Durrani's life, published in 1991. Every woman and feminist must read this book at least once in their lives because it exposes the position of women in a patriarchal society. 
This book is based on Tehmina Durrani's life de facto events and exposes the savaged realities of her life. Each section in this book eloquently unfurls the vicissitudes of her life. You will fall in love while reading this book as it delicately describes: childhood trauma, love, emotions, infidelity, seduction, adultery, guilt, separations, unions, marriages, sociopathy, domestic violence, trauma, illness, loneliness, misuse of power, male chauvinism, politics, illicit relations, imprisonment, abduction, feudality, stereotypes, fall of democracy, exiles, bravery, social taboos, family pressure, legal assistance, feminism, fight for rights, women's oppression, and distortion of religion for personal interests.

Marriage With Anees Khan and Relationship with Ghulam Mustafa Khar:

The author, Tehmina Durrani, was married to Anees Khan, with whom she had a daughter named Tanya, and they were living a comfortable life. After a few years, Tehmina Durrani's life turned upside down when she met with the "Lion of Punjab," a well-known Pakistani politician known as Ghulam Mustafa Khar, in Lahore in 1974.

In My Feudal Lord, Tehmina Durrani divulged how she started meeting Ghulam Mustafa Khar secretly, committed adultery, and betrayed her first husband when she was still on a marriage contract with Anees. She became fascinated by Khar's charismatic and dominating personality and developed an illicit relationship with him. Tehmina Durrani fell knowingly into Khar's magnetic hoodwink, though she was well aware of the oppressed life of Sherry (the fifth wife of Ghulam Mustafa Khar). Ghulam Mustafa Khar's behavior towards his wives was ferocious as he considered them his personal property with no regard for their feelings or opinions. She was perturbed about her relationship with Khar and hoped she would have a good marriage with him. Tehmina Durrani knew how bad-tempered and barbaric Khar was, but still, she was attracted to Khar's powerful and charismatic personality in contrast to her father's meek role in her family. Tehmina Durrani ignored Khar's sinister side and blamed Sherry's unattractive personality and unaesthetic sense of homemaking for the breakdown of her marriage.

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Tehmina Durrani wrote that Anees Khan was a loyal husband and trusted her blindly, whereas Ghulam Mustafa Khar was lecherous and played many tricks on Anees Khan. In the absence of Anees, he met with Tehmina multiple times. Once, Khar sent Anees to an international business meeting to fulfill his lecherous nature. On returning home, Anees heard about his wife's affair with Khar, to which Tehmina Durrani disclosed her relationship with Khar in front of her husband and demanded a divorce from Anees. It shattered Anees into pieces, and he had no choice but to do so.

Divorce from Anees Khan and Reunion with Mustafa Khar:

In a conservative society like Pakistan, it is taboo for a girl to ask for a divorce, and when Anees divorced Tehmina Durrani, she was left alone. At that moment, she learned about Khar's affair with a singer and the pregnancy of his fifth wife, Sherry. Tehmina lost her senses to Khar's betrayal, and in desperation, she contacted Khar, who denied all her blame. At that time, Tehmina was residing in a flat in Karachi with her daughter Tanya. She left for Umrah to seek forgiveness from Allah for her sins and to show her the right path.
When Tehmina Durrani returned to Pakistan, Khar got in touch with her and secretly married her. They held off on announcing their marriage until the stabilization of the political environment.

Khar's Violence:

In this book, she is outspoken about the fourteen years of emotional, mental, and sexual assaults she suffered at Mustafa Khar's hands throughout this marriage and how her honeymoon period turned into a bitter reality so fast.
She also revealed Khar's enticing trap of attracting gorgeous young women towards him through his domineering, powerful, and humbug personality. Her first encounter with Khar's violence and brutal attacks made her numb, and soon she realized how badly she had fallen into his classical trap. Khar made her life hell, and each day of her life was full of pain, bruises, and sabotaging. Mustafa Khar was a giant figure in the politics of Pakistan at that time, and the Pakistani populace perceived their political leader as dynamic and appealing. She overtly exposed her politically famous husband and his extremely monstrous behavior toward his wives, children, and subordinates, which shook many Pakistanis, especially political figures. He was the antithesis of the flamboyant persona he presented to the public in his private life. Tehmina Durrani's love marriage to Mustafa Khar soon became barbarous and loveless, and she frequently suffered from his physical and sexual assaults. 

Ghulam Mustafa Khar and Adeela Durrani:

In "My Feudal Lord," she revealed that Khar was a sociopath, scandalous, disgraceful, physical and sexual abuser, and had extramarital affairs. The pain she experienced after discovering Khar's illicit relationship with her youngest sister, Adeela Durrani, was unbearable and devastated her deeply. Tehmina caught them multiple times, but they denied it and made her believe that it was an illusion due to her mental illness. Tehmina tried everything to keep her marriage intact, but she always fell short and had to endure humiliation from her husband. After a series of heated arguments, Tehmina asked Khar for a divorce because nothing was going in her favor.
Sororal polygyny in Islam is forbidden. When Khar confessed his sins in front of Tehmina, she decided to get separated from him, but he usually forced her to forgive him for his transgressions and promised to behave better. Tehmina left no option in her life with Khar's malicious gimmicks other than to return to him. Tehmina compromised with him, but on some conditions. For some time, Khar changed his behavior and pretended to be a perfect husband, but he failed to continue for a prolonged period.
Tehmina Durrani mentioned in her book how Khar severely tormented her during all pregnancies. Even after parturition, she encountered humiliation and assaults on her hospital bed, and she was left alone to bear all the pain. She faced mortification when Khar stripped her naked and savagely beat her.
Khar slowly and gradually failed to keep his promises, and again he became agitated and started troubling his wife, Tehmina. He resumed his extra-marital relationship with Adila Durrani, though she was married. That was the juncture when Tehmina made a firm decision to get freed from Khar. She accepted Mustafa's filthy and disreputable character, and at this point, she mustered the morale to divorce him. This decision raised stress in her life, and Khar's political leverage made her life a nightmare. When her parents learned about her decision, they dissuaded her, letting her know they would not support her in this matter. 

The Lioness

"The Lioness" chapter in "My Feudal Lord" demonstrates how she altered herself into a mighty being who spoke out against injustice and exploitation, from a tranquil, submissive woman to a lioness. She yearns to establish a unique identity for herself other than her roles as a mother, sister, wife, or daughter. Whenever she decided to get a divorce from Khar, she faced a new challenge. Khar abducted her children to force her to return to him and his children.

The Law of the Jungle

In "The Law of the Jungle" section, she wrote about the martial law regime in Pakistan and the incarceration of political prisoners. All the prominent leaders of the People's Party, including Bhutto himself, were incarcerated in Zia's martial law period. She further added how Zia weakened the democratic system and assassinated Bhutto. When Khar returned to his homeland, the agencies arrested him in a treason case, and Tehmina Durrani fought for his emancipation from political detention. 

Khar was arrested by the authorities when he returned to Pakistan after eight years of exile. In detention, he begged his wife to reconsider her decision and give their marriage a second chance. Tehmina changed her mind as a response to Khar's political incarceration and beseech, and she performed an exceptional job and proved her devotion to her spouse. She worked nonstop for two years to support Khar's politics and for his release from incarnation.

Separation from Khar, and challenges She Encountered:

Tehmina Durrani further discussed how Khar misused his feudalism, power, and politics against her after his release from detention. Her union with Mustafa Khar quickly descended into chaos, and his violent possessiveness and neurotic jealousy once again cut her off from the outside world. On multiple occasions, he did not even bother to credit his wife for his release from incarceration.

She suffered fourteen years of loneliness and silent suffering. Pakistan is a traditional and conservative Muslim society, and it is difficult to talk about and go against social and religious stereotypes without paying hefty prices. So, it was not a piece of cake for her, and she faced grave consequences.

Khar's relatives, parents, and friends tried to send her back to her husband and children, but she denied it. Her parents, siblings, relatives, and society disowned her. She lost all financial support, inheritance rights, and children's custody. In her family, she was treated as a voodoo because, in Muslim culture, divorced girls are deemed wicked. Because of Khar's political and feudal leverage and her parents' renouncement, all abandoned her. But now, she was an iron lady who had learned to fight back against all patriarchal systems and stereotypes. She understood how to handle her nerves and threats against the giant political figure. She fought back valiantly for her rights and stood firm against the malign cultural norms and feudal systems.

Book Publication And Her Role As An Activists: 

No publisher dared to publish her book, but as soon as she succeeded in publishing the first edition of her book, it shook the roots and created unrest in Pakistani feudal societies and political systems. She faced criticism, but her book drew national and international recognition, and it is now available in thirty-nine languages. 

In Pakistan, feudalism is hefty and male chauvinism is dominant and customary. Durrani explained how such power is taken from the distorted version of religion to oppress women. Khar, an autocratic, domineering, and very conservative man, did the same to his subordinates, children, and wives. At least Tehmina Durrani was someone who had managed to fight back against his atrocities. Tehmina faced two criminal charges after the first publication of her book, "My Feudal Lord." One was on treason charges, and the other was for adultery (having an extra marital affair is adultery, and Islam, the punishment for this sin is stonning to death). 

Shortly, her negative impression got obscured, and she got back her vanished pride.

She integrates her commitment to women's rights with her faith in Islam. The narrative of Tehmina Durrani gave remarkable insights into the precarious condition of women ensnared in the intricate web of Muslim society. She hopes to bring about social and political change by addressing the mechanisms of oppression. She takes the risk of highlighting how feudal lords had distorted Islamic teachings for their interests, and when it came to the teachings of the Quran, Mustafa was quite picky. She never complained about her husband's sexism and the manipulation of Islamic principles instead, she chose to entrust Allah with everything. She found comfort in prayer and Quranic verses when she got a divorce and was left alone and lost.

My Feudal Lord